To San Francisco – Planes and Standup Comics (1/31)

So, San Francisco! San Francisco, San Francisco… Not “San Fran,” no, apparently not! I didn’t know that, I would’ve said “San Fran,” but you’d go, “No, we don’t like “San Fran,” fuck it!” Or what’s the other one you don’t…? Oh, Frisco! You don’t like that either.

Eddie Izzard, Dressed to Kill

Flying is such an experience and my best experience so far has been my hop from Austin to Phoenix on the way to San Fran.  (There I said it, shoot me.)

Brian, the young frosted-hair flight attendent, would have made a better standup comic than steward.  He welcomed us on board and helped us to understand the safety procedures.

Wear your seatbelt like a rockstar, low and tight.

If in the unfortunate event that our flight becomes a cruise, swim or swim faster.

If you don’t like my jokes there are 6 exits…

In the event of loss of cabin pressure, stop screaming, let go of your neighbor and pull down on the mask.  If the bag doesn’t inflate that’s cause the crew is getting all your oxygen.

He was so entertaining that he received a warm round of applause from the cabin when he finished the comedy sketch, I mean safety instructions.

As we taxied to the runway he advised us to “sit back, relax or lean forward and stress out, your choice.” The rest of the flight was a breeze.  We cruised over western Texas and New Mexico till we touched down at Phoenix for a short layover.

The flight from Phoenix to San Francisco, far less entertaining yet the views from my window were amazing.  Red cracked earth through Arizona, canyons and plateaus, white capped mountains next to blue lakes, into the rolling green of California.

If you end up flying Northwest Airlines and end up with a frost-haired flight attendent by the name of Brian, sit back and relax.